


chasing shadows in grocery lines

by dancingpineapples



Series: ten years slipped away into a moment in time [1]
Category: SPY x FAMILY (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst, Bad ending Au, F/M, Not A Happy Ending, Timeskip, loid 'for the misshun' forger sucks, not quite a song fic, yor and anya deserve better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27911248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancingpineapples/pseuds/dancingpineapples
Summary: ten years is a long time to leave behind a family, and time doesn't wait for anyone: a lesson the forgers learn the hard way (or the bad ending that no one asked for)
Relationships: Anya Forger & Loid Forger | Twilight & Yor Briar Forger | Thorn Princess, Loid Forger | Twilight/Yor Briar Forger | Thorn Princess
Series: ten years slipped away into a moment in time [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068272
Comments: 5
Kudos: 43





	chasing shadows in grocery lines

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this listening to only cardigan and hoax by tswift (the long pond studio sessions versions) on loop, so listen to those for the ~vibes~

It was a Tuesday when everything went flying off the rails. Yor came home to find the apartment empty. Nothing alarming, considering Anya wasn’t home from school yet and Loid was still at work. She put her bag down and changed out of her work clothes, so she could get started on some chores.

Anya came home a few hours later, and Yor gave her a snack and helped her, as best she could, with homework. “When Loid gets home, he can help you with the rest,” Yor told her. Anya then went into her room to play with Bond and Agent Penguin. 

Yor smiled, as she heard Anya playing in her room. For such a young girl, she was incredibly creative. Some of the games she played must have been inspired by Spy Wars. Checking the clock, Yor decided to get started on dinner. She still wasn’t the most confident of chefs, but she had slowly mastered a few very basic recipes. Loid was still doing the majority of the cooking, but it was getting late, and he wasn’t home yet. 

“Mama, where’s Papa?” Anya asked. 

“He must still be at work, do you want to have dinner now? You have to go to bed soon since you have school tomorrow,” Yor asked.

Regardless, she plated up dinner for Anya and sat down with her at the table. Anya told her about school and a story involving Damian Desmond. Yor smiled at the appropriate moments, but her mind was still caught up on Loid. It was getting very late now, and he usually told her ahead of time or called if he would be abnormally late.

Yor got Anya ready for bed and then settled herself onto the couch to wait for Loid. She turned on the TV and lowered the volume, not wanting to disturb Anya. She checked the clock again. She could feel herself steadily getting more and more nervous. This was the latest Loid had ever been and it seemed so out of character for him. They were coming up on their two year “anniversary” of being fake married. The first year had gone by in a whirlwind, while this past year seemed so peaceful. There was still the occasional adventure or close call, but there was also a routine and an almost idyllic day to day. Lately, the facade of their fake marriage seemed to be fading. She couldn’t pinpoint when she noticed the miniscule changes, but something about Loid changed. It was the way his eyes followed her longer than necessary, the way he hugged Anya tighter, how he’d become insistent on making family memories, the combination of that and more made her feel more and more attached to their little family. It was hard to distinguish between what was for show and what was genuine. Even the line in her relationship with Loid felt… blurred. She couldn’t tell anymore, if it was really just innocent, when he took her arm or placed his hand on the small of her back. There was something in his blue eyes that made her reconsider his usual platitudes. He was always the first to address her insecurities when they came up, but it should have alerted her something was off when one night, out of nowhere, he told her he trusted her with Anya unconditionally and that she was a wonderful mother. At the time, she had just been relieved to hear those words from him, yet something in his tone suggested he wasn’t just saying it for her sake, but for his as well.

She got up and went over to the phone. It was getting far too late for a psychiatrist to be at work, even if she didn’t quite understand what exactly Loid did with his patients. She called his office number and listened to the phone ring once, twice, thrice, then hung up.

Yor shut off the television and went into the kitchen to put away the leftovers and wash the dishes. If- no, when Loid came in, she could just heat it up for him again, she thought. Drying her hands, she frowned as she checked the clock. Maybe she should just go to bed and he’d be here when she woke up. Still conflicted, Yor went into Anya’s room to check on her.

Anya was always a rambunctious sleeper, regularly thrashing and kicking her blankets, so she and Loid took turns fixing her blankets. Unsurprised to find Anya curled up, pillow and blanket on the floor, Yor picked them up and tucked Anya in. She brushed Anya’s pink hair away from her face and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Sleep well, Anya,” she whispered. She stood up, before she felt a slight tug on her sleeve.

“Mama, don’t worry, Papa will be home soon,” Anya mumbled, still half asleep. 

“Of course he will. Go back to sleep. We’ll see him in the morning.”

If Yor could take those words back now, she would in a heartbeat. 

That night’s sleep was one of the first in the long time where she felt uneasy. She hadn’t anticipated feeling so unnerved with Loid not being present, and his absence made her stomach turn. Had she really gotten so used to having him around? Without her realizing it, he had become a permanent fixture in her life. Even if they were husband and wife in name only, they had their domestic life down pat. When she’d been younger, she thought she understood what an adult’s life was supposed to look like. But, in her time with Loid and Anya, she wasn’t quite sure when she had redefined family and happiness. There were times Yor had to remind herself that Anya wasn’t actually her daughter, that she’d had a mother already, and she was only a replacement for the real thing. It was easier to maintain the boundary with Loid, if only because they were both adults. 

As Yor drifted off to sleep, she hoped Loid was at least safe.

... _ten years later_

It was another Tuesday, Yor sighed, as she checked her calendar. Department meeting, and then she had Anya’s teachers conference meeting after work. Yuri had offered to go in her place, but Yor turned him down. She had been making it work for ten years now, and she would continue to figure things out. 

A few hours later, she powered down her computer, then put on her coat. Yor was certainly interested to see how this year’s meeting would go. School was always something Anya struggled with, and it wasn’t until Anya ended up staying back a year that she finally started to make progress. From the bits and pieces Yor had been able to pull from her over the years, Anya was younger than she thought, so now her struggles at Eden Academy made sense. Public school and being surrounded by normal students also did wonders for her social development. She was still quirky, of course, but she was also funny, kind, and thoughtful. It still wasn’t until middle school when Anya became serious about academics, and eventually received a scholarship for a private all girls high school. It wasn’t as prestigious as Eden Academy, but it was still a good school, and Anya seemed to like her classmates and teachers. 

Yor walked the few blocks to Anya’s school, her mind still thinking about how much things had changed. Anya was now at least fifteen and no longer a little girl. Even if she was technically a young woman, she would always be the center of Yor’s universe. After… what had happened, Yor relied on Anya as a reason to compartmentalize her feelings. Because she had to be strong for Anya, she reminded herself every morning, the Anya who had already known loss and who loved her Papa with every fiber of her tiny body, and thus, the Anya who shattered when Yor sat her down.

It had been difficult to explain and even more difficult to watch Anya try to process what she had been told. Yor barely kept it together herself. There were only so many times one could keep up a strong facade. Another night passed, with Anya crawling into her bed again and crying into her chest, begging her not to leave too. Yor held her own tears at bay as she soothed the young girl and promised, even as fickle as promises seemed to be, to never leave. Once she was certain Anya was asleep, Yor let her own tears fall. What warning signs had she missed? What red flags had she missed through her rose colored glasses? She thought everything was going so well, their family wasn’t fake anymore, and yet he still left without a word. However, Yor decided, it wasn’t something she needed to dwell on. Her priority was Anya, and Yor swore, she would never let anything come between them. 

And that was a promise she kept. 

As she approached Anya’s school, she opened her purse to find the directions Anya had given her that morning. She wanted to double check the directions to the classroom before going in. Yor was hardly paying attention, and she quickly realized she had just hit someone with her purse.

She turned around quickly. “Oh, I’m so sorry! Are you hurt?” she asked. 

“I’m fine,” the man grumbled. “Watch where you’re going.” He turned and continued walking away. 

“I’m sorry! Have a good evening!” She called after him. Hearing no response, she shrugged and continued on her way. 

Yor walked into the main building and signed in at a desk in the lobby. The woman gave her directions to Anya’s classroom, and Yor thanked her. She made her way up the two flights of stairs and turned into the hallway, to find her daughter standing in front of a room about halfway down the hall. 

“Mama!” Anya called, beaming. 

Yor smiled, “Hi, sweetie.” She hugged Anya. “See, I told you I’d find the room.”

Anya laughed. “Miss Catherine in the lobby gave you directions, right?”

Before she could say anything, Anya’s teacher, an older woman, opened the door. “Mrs. Forger?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Nice to meet you. I’m Anya’s home room and English teacher. Please come in. We’ll just discuss a few things together and then Anya can join us, if that’s alright with you?”

Yor nodded. 

She led Yor into the room and offered her a seat next to her desk at the front of the room. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Mrs. Forger. We spent quite a bit of time scheduling this.”

“Ah, I’m so sorry about that, it’s just with work and-“

“You don’t have to explain, Anya told us about her father. I’m sorry for your loss. It must have been hard for you, all these years.” 

Her loss. Was it as much of a loss as it was a betrayal? Yor remembered calling the police that morning, heart at the bottom of her stomach. She had sent Anya to school with a cheerful smile and kept up a pretense of Loid returning home later. It wasn’t as good as she thought it was, though, as Anya cried and pleaded to stay home from school that day. Yor ended up carrying her to the bus stop and swearing she would see her Papa again. 

If she could take that back too, she would. Just how much faith had she mistakenly placed in Loid Forger? The police didn’t have many leads or ideas as to what could have happened. Loid had been seen leaving work by himself, and then walking into a shop. No one ever saw him walk out and that building was searched from top to bottom. As far as missing persons cases went, this was… highly irregular. Yuri had even tried using his contacts he had at Foreign Affairs to see if anyone knew anything. 

That entire week they waited for a phone call, a news article, anything, with bated breath. The phone rang almost ominously that night, right after Yor had put Anya to bed. 

She didn’t remember the substance of the phone call. There were only a few words that stayed in her mind, even long after. A car crash. Two bodies. A man with blonde hair. Must have died on impact. Yor vaguely remembered falling to the floor, the phone slipping out of her hands. 

“Mrs. Forger?” 

“Oh, I’m sorry! Thank you. It’s… been tough. I’m lucky to have had help though.”

“Yes, Anya’s mentioned her uncle. I’m glad you two have family to rely on.”

“I am too.”

The meetings went by without incident. Anya’s teachers had very little criticisms, aside from occasionally forgetting her homework or chatting in class, Anya was a model student. 

“You raised a wonderful daughter,” Anya’s math teacher told her. 

“I- thank you,” Yor replied, willing herself not to cry. “I’m very proud of her.”

That night, as a treat, Yor suggested they get take out instead of making dinner as usual. Her confidence in the kitchen had grown over the years, but cooking still wasn’t something she enjoyed by any means. They picked up their usual takeout order and went up to their apartment. It wasn’t in the same neighborhood as their previous one, but it was much more affordable for Yor on her own. 

As they climbed the stairs, Anya suddenly became fidgety, checking around them anxiously, like she was looking for something she had lost.

“Is something wrong, Anya?” Yor asked in a concerned tone. Anya shook her head in the negative, but kept nervously glancing around.

Confused, but writing it off as another one of Anya’s quirks, Yor pulled out her keys and went to unlock the door. Right as she opened the door, Anya grabbed her sleeve. “Wait, Mama-” 

“Hello, Yor, hello, Anya. It’s been a while.”

**Author's Note:**

> if u didn't catch it, the title is from the last verse in cardigan which HITS DIFFERENT. i totally associate these lines w loid and yor for reasons. anyways i have like 1? 2? parts in my brain left tentatively.


End file.
